| haven't you people ever heard of |
[Mar. 12th, 2006|05:21 pm] |
| [ | feeling a little |
| |  beh. nothin | ] |
| [ | to the pretty sounds of |
| | banquet - bloc party | ] |
Total songs- 7755
Sort by song
First Song: !!!!!!! - The Roots
Last Song: תראי- דיקלה
Sort by time-
Shortest song: (silence) - Hot Hot Heat
Longest Song: longest thing on here is Robin Williams Live on Broadway..longest song is "a long day" - the polyphonic spree
Sort by artist-
First Artist: !!!
Last Artist: はっぴいえんど
Sort by album -
First Album: !!! - !!!
Last Album: Zorba the Greek - LCD Soundsystem
Search the key word and see how many songs appear:
"Sex": 30
"Death": 113
"Love": 283
"You": 950
"Me": 1804
''Drugs'': 5
''Hate'': 43
i'm a little bored...well. not really. i just got back to school, not very many people are back, and i literally having nothing to do. well. thats a lie. i definitely have a shitload of english homework to do....its gonna hurt on the night i chose to catch up on all of it...i have to write "journal entries" every nite, and i thought it would be a decently easy habit to keep, seeing as it takes me all of 10minutes to write one of these. but i dont think ive done one in about 2 and a half weeks...i'll probably end up using some of graham's lj entries anyway. im happy to be back. i hope the rest of this semester will be like i want it to be. well i have no idea what i am doing for the entire month of may. if i stay here, i'll take one more class that i really dont need to take right now, go to it 5 days a week from 8-12, not have very many people around, live in dorms for longer, etc. if i go to CT i will "work" at my dad's office. but i dont really work there. he pays me more than necessary for doing the stupid filing work and other shit like stapling packets. after about 5 days there they have nothing for me to do, and i just become an annoyance hanging around the office. pretty soon their job is to find jobs for me to do. stupid. then i'm off to italy with school for 20 days. i get back just in time to miss orientation and the first day of renbrook day camp, so they wont hire me. i have 6 weeks in CT where i can actually work. june 26-august 11. no one is going to hire me for so little time, and dad's office isnt an option for that incredible length. i'd spend my summer volunteering at a hospital or something like that, except that im trying to make money to save up for next summer in europe. so...i just dont know. this may take some thinking. |
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| (no subject) |
[Dec. 18th, 2005|12:11 pm] |
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i am going to israel....right now. |
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| (no subject) |
[Nov. 7th, 2005|03:56 pm] |
| [ | to the pretty sounds of |
| | run - snow patrol | ] |
so in the most jewish move ever, i am going to israel for christmas. december 18-28...fuck you, christmas, you cant get me this year. |
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| (no subject) |
[Sep. 13th, 2005|10:53 am] |
| [ | feeling a little |
| |  freaking out | ] |
i am such a fucking hypocrite |
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| (no subject) |
[Sep. 11th, 2005|07:31 pm] |
| [ | to the pretty sounds of |
| | kings crossing - the love of my life | ] |
from now on i only want to listen to king's crossing with headphones because i need the song to surround me. i need it to be all that i can hear for that 5 minutes. i have to get lost in it. it needs to be all i can think about. it needs to wrap around me like a blanket and hold me until it has no other choice but to end. |
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| who i used to be |
[Sep. 10th, 2005|03:29 pm] |
| [ | feeling a little |
| |  just thinkin... | ] |
| [ | to the pretty sounds of |
| | a sunday - jimmy eat world | ] |
so last night, before i went out for the night i was just chillin in my dorm doing nothing, and around 7pm i decided that it was too beautiful out to be inside. so i went for a walk to King Street, cuz there is always people watching to do there. on the corner of calhoun and king there is a park called Marion Square, and at the intersection there is an area with a fountain with benches. i heard the sound of congos coming from there and saw a small gathering of people just sitting around, so i decided to take a look. there were 4 people dressed like total punks that hadnt bathed in a very long time. one guy had a green mohawk and was wearing a kilt, one guy was decked out in a sex pistols shirt, giant plugs, tight pants with patches on them, and crazy boots. another guy was in a sleeveless shirt, back shorts, mohawk, the nosering that looks like a bull, and a very dirty looking mohawk. there was also a girl with them who had a shaved head besides two locks of blue hair on either side of her face. and a dog. a cute little dog like the kind they had on Frasier. i sat down on the side of the fountain to listen to the drums, and the guy with the nosering came over to talk. his name is Nails, hes 25, and has been traveling on the road for 5 years. the 4 of them and the dog all live in a giant van and travel the US playing congos, the djeree do (WOW! SPELLING!), selling hemp, poetry, and doing devil sticks. they only have what money people gave them and use it for gas, cigarettes, and meals which consist of peanut butter and cheetos. they havent eaten meat in 2 weeks. it was so different talking to them. the girl didnt have the money for college, and the air force turned her down shortly before we went to war. nails' dad beat him for 15 years and blamed all his problems on him, then kicked him out of the house. the other two guys were 18 or 19 i think. i didnt talk to them much, they were chillin with the dog and flirting with this really cleancut looking girl that stopped by. nails and i talked about how good girls really like to slum it just once, makes a good story. then he told me his best story about a girl. apparently in some midwestern state he hooked up with this girl who was on the road too. they went back to the shrubs where he was staying at the time and had crazy sex all night. the next morning some government official came up to them and told them the girl was an illegal alien and deported the girl back to her country, canada. he said that it was the best one-night-stand story possible, i agreed. he also told me about the time he was engaged for 6 months, then they called it off, and she took off with all of his stuff. i decided to take nails to get some food from the dining hall on my meal plan, but it was closed, so we made plans to go today. liz is gonna come with me so we can feed more of them. they're here for about 2 weeks or until they make enough money for gas back to virginia, whichever takes less time. in some ways i suppose i envy them. nails hitchhiked around the entire country a few years ago. he has no commitments at all in life right now, and doesnt want them. course im not thinking about drastically changing my life, dropping out and roaming around the country hoping a few chill tourists will shell out $50 to watch me play the congos. but it's just interesting. i like those people, they're good company. i think seeing them later today will be cool. |
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| your love is gonna drown |
[Sep. 4th, 2005|07:32 pm] |
| [ | feeling a little |
| |  mmm yes | ] |
| [ | to the pretty sounds of |
| | crooked teeth - death cab | ] |
it is really erie here right now because most of the population of c of c are at a jack johnson concert a little ways away. very few people are walking around, eating, sitting outside. it feels so odd. so i have not acquired a southern accent, i am still a democrat, i do not say the word "yall"...yet. from what im told the yall comes first, followed by a slight accent on certain words. i will fight it. two thumbs WAY up for the new death cab cd, but a million thumbs and any other limb you feel it necessary to raise for the song "soul meets body." college is college. it is exactly what i expected, and exactly what i hoped for. i know i spent a large part of last year saying how my friends kinda sucked. they never called, cared, etc. but being here, i realize that the few i had, i love with all of my heart. you know who you are, cuz i keep calling you and iming you with messages of love. i dont want to change who i am. i watched too many people go to college and become someone i dont know. please tell me if im changing immediately. that is the last thing i want.
it wasnt about not loving him. i do. i care about him with all of my heart, but how can this work? at least if we stop it now, we won't end up jealous every night and suspicious of everything...say that in truth we are "meant to be," then something will happen in 5 years when it makes sense and we will ride off into the sunset and live happily ever after. but it doesnt make sense to keep it up right now. long distance relationships like this will cause more harm than good. i don't regret any time i spent with him, or anything i said to him. i love him, i will always remember him, and i will always be willing to talk to him. things will never be like they were before, it just isnt possible. |
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| the bells of |
[Aug. 26th, 2005|12:08 pm] |
| [ | feeling a little |
| |  amused | ] |
| [ | to the pretty sounds of |
| | miss modular - stereolab | ] |
theres a church across from my dorm and the bell rings ever 15minutes. it stops at night to get some sleep, but it chiming again at 8am. im getting used to it, but every day at 12:03 it starts going off on a tangent, and doesnt stop till 12:09. i wonder why it feels the need to draw attension to itself every 15minutes. also why it must ring for 6 minutes. a little excessive i think. |
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| (no subject) |
[Aug. 24th, 2005|09:08 pm] |
| [ | feeling a little |
| | content | ] |
| [ | to the pretty sounds of |
| | Hasse A's - Vasen | ] |
well fuck, i'm in college. i think it actually began to hit me when i was eating dinner and making plans for the weekend and i just said "shit, i can't believe im in college," and my friend goes "yeah, it's fun, isn't it?" well yes, it is ridiculously fun, but i have a shitload of reading to do for my professor with a british accent. all my classes seem fine, except that my stats teacher luls me to sleep, but it seems like we're doing the same thing as we did in stats in ko, so i'll be fine. my psych teacher has a relatively thick southern accent, some words i can't quite understand, but i'll learn. intro to theatre seems interesting, and easy enough for me, my teacher is very witty. my spanish teacher is from peru with a lovely accent. so yeah, this is it. college, man. college. |
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| and could you show me now |
[Aug. 19th, 2005|01:45 pm] |
| [ | feeling a little |
| |  seems fine enough | ] |
| [ | to the pretty sounds of |
| | library noises (yes, there is noise in this library) | ] |
on my first flight i was crying so hard, and the woman next to me gave me a tissue and told me to talk to her if i wanted. then she pulled out a "new translation of the holy bible" and a packet on being a jehovah's witness and started underlining things. so i talked to her just so she wouldnt worry that my mom died, or i was beaten or something. and as i was getting off the plane she hands me this little packet and says "some good news from the holy scriptures...suffering will end."
all around orientation is a waste of time, but at least i do things that need to get done. i've met a few cool people, gotten my mailbox, completely forgotten the address, registered for classes with a fuckin sweet schedule. monday, wednesday, friday i have Elementary Statistics at 11am-11:50, Psych 213 on behavior and learning from 1pm-1:50, and spanish 202 from 2pm-2:50. tuesdays and thursdays i have english 101 which is mostly essay writing from 9:25am-10:40, and intro to theatre where we learn about the history of theatre, stage managing, make-up, costumes, lighting, etc from 12:15-1:30. how sick is that schedule? my earliest class is 9:25 twice a week, and the latest i go is 2:50 three times a week. i couldnt possibly get a better schedule being a freshman. also i finished SO many of my core requirements before i even got here cuz im starting my first year with 15 credits already done. by the end of this semester i will have to take one more math, one more english, 2 more history, and 2 more biology and i will be done with all my requirements. im much better off than most incoming freshmen. so far so good. i think i will be very happy with my college choice. it's not unbearably hot out at all, in fact, if this is as hot as it gets, i will be perfectly comfortable. i watched pink floyd's "the wall" for the first time last night...i totally thought i understood it, but there's totally a chance i didnt.
i miss my emerson. i think about him all the time. i try not to think about him so much, it just hurts, and right now im too busy to feel hurt. id love to talk to him walking to and from everywhere, but i dont have the cell phone minutes for it. he's not annoying me at all, i just feel badly that we are in different places right now, and i dont mean the SC to CT thing, i mean that im here already. there are people around attempting to make friends, and he still has to wait a few more days. so now he's home, and overthinking about why im not calling him. i just want him to be in RI, so we can both be on the same plane. it's just hard now, ya know? it would be easier if he didnt have the time to sulk. i want to be with him, and i think i can make it till i see him again. i know what i have to do to make it work, i just hope i do it. |
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| wonder of wonders |
[Jun. 14th, 2005|10:25 am] |
| [ | feeling a little |
| |  just great | ] |
my mom just called and woke me up cuz she needed to tell me some good news. the doctors cant find a trace of cancer in my uncle's body. his diagnoses went from being stage 4 with barely 2 years to live...to completely healthy. that never happens. is this some kind of uplifting lifetime movie? he's alive and fine, and will continue to be.
never give up on hoping for the long shot. sometimes it happens. wow. |
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| I wish I was sleeping In your hospital bed |
[Jun. 5th, 2005|10:19 am] |
| [ | feeling a little |
| | this is what happened | ] |
| [ | to the pretty sounds of |
| | political scientist - ryan adams | ] |
i just wasnt meant to go to celebrate west hartford. i've tried to go for a few years, and i was unsuccessful each time. but this year...
i arrived at celebrate west hartford yesterday around 2:30, after some zig zag driving to pick up people and money, with eicher, kate, and emerson. saw some people we knew, hugged some people i havent seen in years, then emerson and i went to get food. after deliberating for quite some time emerson decided on chicken lo mein and i decided to get some kind of overpriced sandwich at a booth 10 feet from emerson. i bought a wrap and started to feel incredibly dizzy. i stuffed the money in my wallet and my head started reeling. i thought i was gunna throw up, i couldnt really hear, everything was echoing, and all i wanted to do was lie down. emerson was looking at me, then turned away to see if eicher and kate were behind him, then looked back at me on my back.
several seconds later i opened my eyes and i was on my back on the pavement next to the sandwich booth. some guy asked if i was okay and i replied "im fine, just fainted." i stood up way too abruptly and stumbled to emerson, still standing in his line looking concerned. i told him i had just fainted. then i walked on in a daze, and ran into a small child, said "im sorry." i dont remember the next 5 minutes. emerson told me that he followed me to the trash can and held my waist with his arm and then i collapsed into it. he yelled for someone to help him, but everyone just looked and walked on, or stood in line near us and tried not to look. he gently laid me on the ground and tried talking to me while my eyes were rolled back in my head. he checked for breathing, there were 30 seconds when it was questionable, but i was. i woke up to a policeofficer, firefighter, citizen who said she was a doctor, and 2 paramedics rushing to me. i regained consciousness and they told me to continue lying down. emerson was kneeling by my head holding my hand. they asked me my name, age, what happened, etc. then they told me that i was still a minor and without my parents there to say i didnt have to go to the hospital, i was legally forced to go. my parents were in new haven, and verbal consent is not good enough, they must be present.
emerson sat in the front seat of the ambulance while i was in the back on the stretcher with a nice woman taking my blood pressure, asking some more questions about what happened. it was 3:15 and i hadnt eaten anything all day, and i lost the turkey wrap when i fainted the second time. at about 85degrees and sunny, i still hadnt drank any water. we waited in the hospital with a 15year old kid from juvenile hall who apparently had fainted to for an hour eating crackers and drinking juice. saw a doctor for her to tell me what i already knew. i was dehydrated. i need to eat breakfast. i need to drink water. the goodmans picked me up and brought me back to their house where they fed me and let me rest.
in Douglas Adam's third book in the hitchhikers series he talks about a Somebody Else's Problem Field. that's when a spaceship lands in the middle of a cricket and no one sees it because it is not their problem to deal with. a girl fainted next to a sandwich booth, took down all the napkins and utensils with her, and someone basically steps over her to buy a drink from the booth. a girl stumbles into a child with its father and then collapses in the arms of her boyfriend, and both keep walking without looking back. a girl is limp in the arms of a teenage boy calling for help, and no one moves to get water, medics, ice, food. west hartford/america suffers from a Somebody Else's Problem Field. this girl was passed out for nearly 5 minutes in the summer heat. that is serious. her eyes are rolled back in her head, she may not be breathing, her mouth is starting to foam, her boyfriend is calling for help. what do you do? go get her some fucking water. that's what she needs that NO ONE gave her. not the medics, not the hospital, not thte assholes that charged her $6 for a wrap she spilled on the ground the second time she completely lost consciousness. thank you west hartford. you have taught me an important lesson: i want to be nothing like you.
truly thank you to everyone that did help. the paramedics, the doctor that stopped, the firefighter, a million thanks to the goodmans, emerson. emerson probably saved my life. i dont know how i fell the first time, but i didnt hit my head or hurt myself at all, and i dont know how that happened. the second time i fell into emerson's arms. if he hadnt caught me i would have hit my head either on the pavement, or on the rim of the trashcan i was leaned over. i jokingly called him my knight in shining armor, but he is. he saved me and stayed by my side the whole day. he was there holding my hand when i woke up, rode in the ambulance with me, waited for hours till this was over. he made me dinner, brought me water, made sure i rested. in the traditional sense he's my hero. he saved my life, just by catching me when i fell. im in love with my knight in shining armor. |
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| (no subject) |
[May. 30th, 2005|03:36 pm] |
| [ | to the pretty sounds of |
| | the slow wonder - A.C. Newman | ] |
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reph sent this to me many many moons ago...thought it'd be nice here. |
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| so, |
[Apr. 16th, 2005|04:56 pm] |
| [ | feeling a little |
| |  calm | ] |
| [ | to the pretty sounds of |
| | closer - joshua radin | ] |
new song obession: closer - joshua radin
so, we're alone again
i wish it were over
we seem to never end
only get closer
to the point where i can take no more
the clouds in your eyes
down your face they pour
won't you be the new one burn to shine
i take the blue ones every time
walk me down your broken line
all you have to do is cry
hush my baby now
your talking is just noise and won't lay me down amongst
your toys in a room where i can take no more
the clouds in your eyes
down your face they pour
won't you be the new one burn to shine
i take the blue ones every time
walk me down your broken line
all you have to do is cry
photographs and brightly colored paper
are your mask you wear in this caper
that is our life
we walk right into the strife
and a tear from your eye brings me home
the clouds in your eyes
down your face they pour
won't you be the new one burn to shine
i take the blue ones every time
walk me down your broken line
all you have to do is cry
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| goodbye |
[Mar. 31st, 2005|05:23 pm] |
| [ | feeling a little |
| |  really really sad | ] |
mitch hedberg died at age 37 yesterday..the news was released this afternoon. for those of you that don't know...he was my favorite stand-up comedian and often my hero of the day. stand up comedy is kinda huge for me. i like it almost as much as music. ive gone to shows, i know the names, ive seen their acts on comedy central. mitch was my favorite. i saw him live twice...the last time was not long ago when he was in CT on tour with stephen lynch. he wasnt intelligently witty, or charming...he just thought of things in an amusing way. is it weird to be so upset over someone you don't know? i dont think so. people said he maintained cult status, and im part of it. nothing more to say. i'll leave you with what he said.
"I would imagine if you understood Morse Code, a tap dancer would drive you crazy."
"I played golf....I did not get a hole in one, but I did hit a guy and that's way more satisfying. Your supposed to yell FORE, but I was too busy mumbling there ain't no way that's gonna hit him."
"I wrote a letter to my dad- I wrote, I really enjoy being here. But I accidently wrote rarely, instead of really. But I still wanted to use it, so I crossed it out and wrote I rarely drive steamboats, Dad. There's a lot you don't know about me. Quit trying to act like I'm a steamboat operator. This letter took a harsh turn right away."
"And then at the end of the letter i like to write P.S.- This is what part of the alphabet would look like if Q and R were eliminated."
"The depressing thing about tennis is that no matter how much I play, I'll never be as good a a wall. I played a wall once. They're relentless."
"I like rice. Rice is great if your hungry and want 2000 of something."
"I hate turkeys. If you stand in the meat section at the grocery store long enough, you start to get mad a turkeys. There's turkey ham, turkey bologna, turkey pastromi,.Some one needs to tell the turkey, man, just be yourself."
"I got into and argument with a girlfriend inside of a tent. That's a bad place for an argument, because I tried to walk out and slam the flap. How are you supposed to express your anger in this situation? Zipper it up real quick?"
"This product that was on TV was available for four easy payments of $19.95. I would like a product that was available for three easy payments and one complicated payment. We can't tell you which payment it is, but one of these payments is going to be hard."
"I'm sick of following my dreams. I'm just going to ask them where they're going and hook up with them later."
"An escalator can never break. It can only become stairs. You would never seen an Escalator temporarily out of order sign, just Escaloaor temporarily stairs. Sorry for the convenience."
"I went to the park and saw a kid flying a kite. The kid was really excited. I don't know why, that's what they're supposed to do. Now if he had a chair on the other end of that string, I would have been impressed."
"I can't get into flossing, I can't. People who smoke say you don't know how hard it is to stop smoking. Yes I do. It's as hard as it is to start flossing. You seem jittery. Yeah, I'm about to floss."
"I think pickles are cucumbers that sold out. They sold their soul to the devil and the devil is....Dill."
"Alocholism, is a disease, but it's the only disease that you can get yelled at for having. Dammit Otto, your an alcoholic. Dammit Otto, you have Lupis. One of those two doesn't sound right."
"I was walking by a drycleaner at 3a.m. and there was a sign that said Sorry, we're closed. You don't have to be sorry. It's 3a.m. and your a drycleaner. It would be ridiculous for me to expect you to be open. I'm not gonna come by at 10 and say, hey I was here at 3a.m and you guys were closed. Someone owes me an apology."
"Y'know I order a club sandwhich all the time. And I'm not even a member. I don't know how I get away with it. I like my sandwiches with three peices of bread. So do I. Lets form a club. Okay, but we're gonna need more stickulation. Yes we do. Instead of cutting it once, lets cut it again. Yeah, four triangles. And we shall dump chips in the middle. Let me ask you something, how do you feel about frilly toothpicks? I'm for them."
"I opened a yogurt and underneath the lid it said "please try again" they were having a contest that Iwas unaware of. I thought maybe I had opened the yogurt wrong.Or maybe Yoplait was trying to inspire me. Come on Mitch, don't give up! An inspirational message from your friends at Yoplait, fruit on the bottom, hope on top."
"When you go a resturant on the weekends and it's busy so they start a waiting list. They say Dufrane, party of two, table ready for Dufrane, party of two , and if no one answers the'll say the name again, Dufrane, party of two. Bu then if no one answers, they'll move on to the next name. Bush party of three. Yeah, but what happened to the Dufranes, No one seems to care, who can eat at a time like this? People are missing. You people are selfish. The Dufranes are in someone's trunk right now ,with duct tape over their mouths and they're hungry.That'sa double whammy! We need help! Bush search aparty of three. You can eat once you find the Dufranes." |
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| forget my name |
[Dec. 23rd, 2004|05:18 pm] |
| [ | feeling a little |
| |  bitchy | ] |
| [ | to the pretty sounds of |
| | nothing | ] |
no. thats not fucking right. you dont tell your kids that they have to spend 6 days of their vacation sitting at home for "family bonding" when you dont fucking talk to them in the first place. this "christmas time family" thing is really the eve and the day of. they dont get that hes miserable. they cant see that all they're doing is pushing him away. after he leaves id be shocked if he ever goes back. i wouldnt. they wont let him out, then get mad at him for being on the phone all day. IT MAKES NO FUCKING SENSE. hes 18 years old, if i were him, id just say fuck it and leave for awhile. they've already put him under house arrest as if he were being grounded, why not just do something wrong?? might as well if ur gunna serve the punishment for it. no. it's not right. i am just SO mad at them i could slap mr. goodman. seriously, id do it. the only way i can see him at all is when i park down his street and he meets me outside for 5 minutes. we had a team tobati meeting on tuesday, so he told his parents it started an hour and a half before it did so we could meet up and actually see each other. i think they're actually heartless. they've grown as cold as the fucking new england weather. they wouldnt have to drive anywhere or do anything at all. we could just hang out in his room...i promise i wont be loud, or eat anything, or break anything, or even cause them to worry. fuck. i would sit in the family room with him, his sister, and his parents "bonding". whatever. but no. apparently "it's vacation, time to relax"...somehow his dad missed the boat on what makes the relaxing part relaxing...oh right...its being on vacation, not trapped in your house. it's really just cold. that's all it is. it is bitter. how can a parent watch their child be miserable because of them? no. i will never. |
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| (no subject) |
[Dec. 7th, 2004|01:23 am] |
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life is too huge to write about. why make an attempt? |
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| don't need what money can buy |
[Nov. 30th, 2004|08:23 pm] |
| [ | feeling a little |
| |  bored | ] |
| [ | to the pretty sounds of |
| | the future freaks me out - motion city soundtrack | ] |
today marks the beginning of festivals. today in art history mrs rosoff told us that the romans used to have 400 festivals during their 365 day year. that is impressive and something we should emulate. there must be enough little things that make u happy to be able to fill a calender with them. tomorrow is the festival of loud music. we are open to suggestions. name anything. anything at all that you feel there should be a festival about, and we just may celebrate it.
in other news, i am also open to suggestions of something productive and non-school related i can do. im bored. help me. |
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| saturday's sun |
[Nov. 28th, 2004|09:35 pm] |
| [ | feeling a little |
| |  contemplative | ] |
| [ | to the pretty sounds of |
| | fall from grace - the get up kids | ] |
today was the first rainy sunday in about 2 months. sunday and i didn't get along that well today. i mean...it was fine. nothing upsetting or terrible...just a subpar sunday.
great thanksgiving break though. i didn't do anything to write about...spent my days and nights chillin in bloomfield with a filipino watching movies and listening to two frogs have crazy sex constantly. thanksgiving itself was splendid. great day. it's not a thanksgiving at the turkus house without an instance of me laughing so hard i was crying and my brother had to leave the table, at least one reference to pot, and one thing i NEVER wanted to hear as long as i'm alive (i.e. i was conceived in scotland...or this year's: my grandparents didnt spend their wedding night together cuz my grandma had her period). great thanksgiving day. vacation was very relaxing..i did "nothing, and it was everything i thought it would be". it was just really nice and i feel that it was a vacation well spent. saw max. seeing max is always a good thing ("i always judge things based on how many people are floating in it. jodi, what are you doing?? why aren't you floating?? you're just not putting in the effort that you used to."). i hate the mall. i do not wish to go there for at least another 2 months. that's right. i refuse to go to the mall before january 28th...under most circumstances. well...yea. my ipod wasnt working, so i had to reformat it today and now i have NO music. so im going to go put some of my brother's music on my ipod so i can at least have something to fall asleep to. |
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| i never tried to save her, it's so hard to replace her |
[Nov. 11th, 2004|06:48 pm] |
| [ | feeling a little |
| |  awake | ] |
| [ | to the pretty sounds of |
| | all hail the heartbreaker - the spill canvas | ] |
i just realized how badly i wish tonight was over. i have no idea why, but i just want it to be over. nothing is wrong. today was fine, nothing bad happened. i just want to go to sleep, wake up, and have this be over. it's an interesting feeling...to want to end something that's not bad. i dont mean that metaphorically or anything. i mean literally..tonight is fine, and i want it to go away. maybe i wish i could go to sleep, wake up, and have it be december 16th. i'll know about college by then..im steadily getting more confident about getting into my first choice cuz things just seem to get better in the academic situation...but i still am doubting myself far too much. school has gotten much more enjoyable, but schoolwork has gotten significantly less. i started another richard brautigan book, it is not disappointing. im going to see my roommate from ucla in 8 days...thats exciting. basically...the problem with tonight is that everything is in the future. ya know? |
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